Ranking the White Lotus S3 Characters
from biggest Shitbag to least Shitty Person
If you haven’t read my post on White Lotus season three’s intro art, theme music, inevitability, and other fun tidbits, do it!
All the Characters of Wyt Lolo Ranked from Most Shitty to Least Shitty:
Timothy Ratliff
Timothy Ratliff
Timothy Ratliff
that concern on his face is literally just him thinking about being Not-Filthy-Rich and having to answer for some of the horrible/illegal things he’s done….what a gem of a human Timothy Ratliff — You get why I had to write him four times right? It’s sYmb0liC, because this sick fuck tried to kill his wife and two of his children, and then succeeded in almost killing his third child accidentally, because he’s a fucking idiot, but Tim absolutely would have included his youngest child in the Poison Booze Fest if Lochlan had said he “Wasn’t Okay with Being A Poor”, as the rest of his lovely family had done.
Greg aka Gary — A grifter who punches down. Boring and crusty. I won’t even waste my time with a descriptive write-up of why he sucks, because we all know he does.
Jim Hollinger — This shitbag is an uber-rich white man profiting off of Thai labor, married a Thai woman quite possibly because he has an azn fetish, talked shit about Rick’s mama to his face, all the while he was Rick’s biological father and dipped out of having any responsibility raising him? No fucking thank you.
Victoria Ratliff — The woman who was half of the parenting duo who brought Saxon Ratliff into the world. Thanks, Victoria. I love the way you not only don’t call out your son’s incredibly problematic behavior, you laugh at the ‘happy ending’ jokes and brush it aside! Good job helping to raise a sexual predator, a woman who freaked out the first time she ate vegetables that were not organic (honestly, hilarious), and another son who is so insecure and so completely surrounded by narcissists that he faps his brother’s peen during his first sexual experience because he is a people pleaser that worships the ground his family walks on with their designer boat shoes. I mean really, Victoria, is too busy absolutely housing Lorazepams to notice any of her children’s problematic behavior, or their cries for help, nor would she likely care much if she did notice.
Saxon Ratliff — Why is this guy all the way at number eight, you might be yelling at your computer screen. HEAR ME OUT. After episode one, I was like KILL SAXTON, OH MY GOD WHAT A DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT, and of course part of me still very much feels that way to an extent, but—he is far younger than, say, his diabolical father Tim, or Jim’s crusty ass, or Greg’s crusty ass, so let us hope and pray that those mindfulness books that Chelsea gifted him will cure some of the sadistic, selfish, and straight-up rapey tendencies he has carried for so long.
Rick Hatchett — Oh, Rick. I understand why you did it. I just wish you hadn’t. And I’m pretty effin mad at you for putting Chelsea, a sweet bb angel, in danger. And then you killed two more people. Sure, they were shooting at you first, but only because it was their super shitty, probably-still-underpaid job to do so. Which leads us to…
Sritala Hollinger — She married a wealthy white man who opened up a resort on Thailand where the majority Thai employees only have so much upward mobility (like, this is an entire plot line; Gaitok can only go so far and be paid so much at the hotel—even the managers at the White Lotus locations don’t seem to be getting paid enough—he chooses to become a strapped fuckboi bodyguard instead), effectively turning her back on her people. She may be a Talented Baddie™ but she is also a tacky person who suckles the teat of WEALTH! She is not actually down for lifting her community up in a sustainable, equitable way. Hard pass. More so, this tramp had the audacity to scream, “Shoot him! Get him! Shoot him!” at Gaitok while her man is fuckin bleeding out. Um, bitch, how about you apply pressure to his gunshot wounds and worry less about corrupting sweet bb angel Gaitok?? I promise you if I was ever in that situation, holding my partner, or mother, or best friend in my arms after they had been shot (or honestly, anyone in my life who I cherished), the last thing I would be doing is screaming at my employee. But that’s just me though.
Valentin — Sure, he helped orchestrate an armed robbery at his place of works, but that takes moxie I tell ya, moxie! No, but seriously, steal from rich people if you’re gonna do it. (Jk?) The reason he’s on this list is because of the fact that I’m holding everyone accountable for their actions, or at least trying to be fair. He put Gaitok in a really shitty position, and though he is an immigrant, he’s still a hot skinny white girl working in an environment full of people of color, in a country that is not his home. So when you frame the robbery in that way, it’s pretty shitty. Plus, he scared my BBGurl Chelsea and that sweet White Lotus employee. Not cool, Valentin!
Jaclyn Lemon — A superficial, fake Mean Girl who loooves drama and then says shit like “I don’t know why I have so many haters! People are so cruel!” Bitch! You’re mean. Be quiet and enjoy your millions of dollars.
anyone who says shit like this is stupid. they’re of the same camp as “Ok, but Devil’s advocate—” shut the fuck up, forever. Chloe — Though I love the hustle, and her being Quebecoise, she cheated on her partner (who yes, admittedly, is a wife-killing, bribing piece of shit who bought land in Thailand cause it’s dirt cheap, bro) and cheating isn’t cool. She also is choosing to date Gary/Greg, of all people. That says a lot about her. Not my cup of tea.
Kate — Married to a Trump supporter, but also shit talks her two ‘closest girlfriends’? Hard pass.
Fabian (the general manager) — Belinda came to him and voiced all of her very valid concerns about “Gary” and Fabian, in so many words, pulled a “You’re overreacting” card (also known as the “Ugh, women are so dramatic” card) and skipped out of the room like Not my Problem! Pass.
Piper Ratliff — I wanted to like her, I really did. Turns out, the organic apple doesn’t fall far from the perfectly manicured tree (pruned and watered by grounds-keeping staff that are absolutely not allowed to use the inside toilets, under any circumstances, Tiiiim!)
Valentin’s friend, Aleksei — Again, cheating isn’t cool.
Vlad (Valentin’s other homie.) — I loved him honestly, he cracked me the fuck up. Only reason he makes the cut is ‘cause, well, he participated in armed robbery in a country he does not hail from. Not the um…chillest hobby to partake in.
“My parents are dead. My sister is a bitch.” Lmao, what a line. Frank — This guy’s difficult to rank. (To be honest, half of the characters are super hard to rank!) He very likely might be more like fourteenth on the list, or higher, but the thing is we don’t really know for sure what he has done in the past, aside from fucking, and getting fucked by, potentially hundreds (thousands?) of men and women, and last time I checked, in my book, that alone doesn’t make someone shitty, just horny. And yeah, he’s an addict—that also doesn’t mean someone is bad. The reason he’s on this list is for giving his buddy a gun and being like “Hope you don’t use it! Chamomile tea, anyone?”
Laurie — Mostly for shit talking her ‘closest friends’ and being fake while calling other people fake. But out of the small gaggle of white women, I liked her the most.
Mook — I want to declare her a sweet bb angel but I cannot. Part of me wants to rank her a couple spots higher, to be honest. She pressured the hell out of Gaitok to A. be someone he was not and B. do something that was potentially dangerous for him in the long run. Some of you may disagree and say she’s Ride or Die wife material but Nah, the more we saw of her, the more she rubbed me the wrong way.
Gaitok — The hardest character to rank, for me at least. Should he be higher? Murder is murder, right? I can’t help but feel for him. Is this my toxic trait?? I can’t declare him innocent—he is in fact, a bit shitty—but it felt incorrect to rank him as shittier than, say, Mook, Vlad, Valentin, Jim or Sritala. Their collective toxicity and peer-pressure is what ultimately tipped his scales of morality. So though he is not a Sweet Baby Angel, I rank him least shitty of the crew.
Sweet Baby Angels of White Lotus Season 3 Who Did No Harm:
Belinda Lindsey (I will argue with you about this), Zion (Belinda’s son), Pornchai (sad he didn’t get his happily ever after with Belinda, but it was not in the cards), Amrita (the beautiful goddess wellness guide at the hotel), Luang Por Teera (the monk who Piper wanted to be her mentor before she realized, gasp, the monastery food was not organic and gasp, she doesn’t want to live a simple life, not when life is so cushy for her!!), Chelsea, Pam (the sweet Australian hotel employee who really just wanted the Ratliffs to do a tech detox, not commit familicide/suicide), and Lochlan Ratliff (yes, even taking into account he jerked his brother’s dick off. Shit happens?)
I’d love to hear your kind, creative and constructive thoughts that are more than complaining into the void. Let’s have a conversation about it! What do you agree with? Disagree? Who did I miss? What did I miss?
Thank you for reading <3